Some time back I decided to cut down on the time I spent blogging to get more time for work. That attempt has failed. I have realized that I need some time away from my everyday work. And if I don’t spend it on meaningful activities that I value – such as this blog, I will spend it on activities that I do not really value – such as watching bad Hindi movies or rereading novels. Instead of getting more time for work, my work has suffered a bit – perhaps from the general sense of dissatisfaction with myself over what I have been doing in my leisure time.
This is a very important lesson for me – I have always prided myself on my seriousness and my ability to enjoy my work. I have found that that ability is dependent on enjoying my leisure. Life is an integrated whole and seeking mindless relaxation in my free time will reduce the enjoyment that I derive from my work.
I think I need to pursue my values more actively and perhaps more methodically. As far as this blog is concerned, I have now decided to use it as a sort of diary – not of the events of my life – but of my thoughts. Of late, I have been interested in understanding myself better – what aspects of my personality are withing my control and what aspects are not. I have always been an introvert and I want to loose some of that or atleast work around the negatives. Specifically, I want to address the problem that I am a closed book. Hardly anyone knows what I think about most things. I believe in the principle “judge and be judged” but that cannot work if I don’t give people anything to judge me by. To fix this I now intend to post something regularly – my reactions to current events, my thoughts about how I should go about my life – basically anything that is going through my mind, whether it interests anyone else or not. I am going to use this blog more as a vehicle for self-discovery than anything else. After stepping away from the blog, I did try to put my thoughts on important issues in words, but somehow I never did that seriously. It seems that writing publicly on a blog adds to the motivation of being coherant and complete. I am not sure why that is and what it reveals about me, but I intend to make use of it.
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